I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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