Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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