It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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