I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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