Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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