she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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