just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
