that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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