farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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