I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
