What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They took my balls.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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