She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize