two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
