just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
