why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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