Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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