I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
