I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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