We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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