2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
