When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
