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i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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