You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
