WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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