don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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