How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
