This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
