i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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