how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
