kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
