Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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