oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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