he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
then he tried to convert me to islam
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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