you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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