I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My feet surprised me
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