i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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