You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
