Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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