Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
