Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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