My nipple is on Facebook.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
