Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
