my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
