Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
