need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
