I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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