the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
