At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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