he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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