So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
