ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
