Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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