the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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