You just made me feel so damn special
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
