if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
