It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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