i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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