I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
