He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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