this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
