That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
