Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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