So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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