Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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