who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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