in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
