Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
